Music as a Family Tradition

Mountain music is one of the few activities that can include everyone. It can span all ages, from children to the elderly and connects people regardless of personal inclinations and abilities. Of course, there are a few hitches: the loss of the ancestral 'playing by ear' tradition where the adults passed the music of their region down to their children spontaneously 'by ear'; modern professional music can't be replicated by people of ordinary talent; the wide variety of music makes it difficult for us to find common musical ground.

Nevertheless, the biggest stumbling blocks to making music a family tradition lie at the family core. First, is parental authority alive? Essentially, that means do the children respect their parents? If parents command enough core respect, then all they need is a path. This involves understanding what is needed to make music simple enough to make it possible for all to do, yet challenging enough to hold everyone's interest. Finally, and most important, is knowing how to peacefully pull kids into the process. The following outlines how we managed to do this. We would love to pass on other parents' success stories, so let us know how it goes.

How We Did It

1) I've already briefly described what my wife's and my musical background was when we started our family on the About Us page. When Luke was a toddler before two we set out various music-makers around the house: simple electric keyboard, an open tuned baritone ukulele, recorder, slide whistle, drum, kazoo, chimes, xylophone, and so on. I mean if it made sound, we had it around.

2) Later on, when Luke and Kyle were around eight and five respectively, we set aside Saturday morning as our family music time. My mother came over and together with Leslie and myself we played the old folk songs as best we could. The modest resistance the boys had was easily neutralized by simply explaining to them that this music time was a 'family duty', like washing the dishes and taking a bath.

We made no demands on them, other than just being present. As I recall, it took Luke several years for him to discover that singing was fun. It took Kyle twice that time. Everyone is different! Anyway, as the months and years passed, they began joining in and actually enjoying the musical 'duty'. It became a tradition, like a daily Thanksgiving.

3) A few years later we went to the local music store to see what stringed instruments the boys might like. Luke picked a banjo and Kyle went with a mandolin which fit his small seven year old hands. Wow, what cacophony! I had to shove some towels into the pot of Luke's banjo until he developed a lighter touch. We showed Kyle a few chords and with a capo he could strum in any key.

One morning about a year later I was wonderfully stunned when Kyle picked Deep River Blues on his mandolin. None of us had ever heard him attempt picking any melody heretofore. And, we would have known for we are always together. We lived in an 800 square foot space, did home schooling, and all slept in the same bedroom. I suppose you could say our family life was old fashioned, not unlike that of a pioneer family out on the prairie with a one room cabin.

4) One day we happened to see a poster advertising a 'Bluegrass and Old Time Music Festival'. We knew instantly that was something we had to check out, so we went. Wow! It was like being struck by lightning. All those friendly people, open air, old folks and young folks, and music done the way we felt right then we'd like to do it.

5) We found out where some jams were and also attended some more festivals. Before long I became amazed by how naturally and effortlessly the kids were learning to really play music, unlike the rote-like, note reading, page turning process that Leslie and I knew as music. I had to discover how those kids did it, and without a teacher to boot. It appeared, for one thing, that they were simply observing how the 'old timers' played, and from that intuitively knew what to do.

6) Well, through a back and forth process between Luke and myself (that continues to this day), I figured out how the kids 'learned' to play music by ear without instruction. Actually, 'we' figured out how, for though Luke could 'do it' he didn't 'know' what he was doing. Kyle still doesn't 'know'... he just does it.

7) Now, all of us can play all the instruments. Of course only Luke and Kyle can play them all with a beautiful ease. For our part, Leslie and I, now know what to do. Gone are the dreary days of 'rote' note/TAB reading, page turning music. For folks like us, starting music later in life, singing fluently is a sure bet. Playing instrumental breaks as fluently is more problematic, and may depend a lot on innate talent. Even so, we can often find the 'groove' once we get warmed up and let go.

8) We pass on, through our book and CD's, what we have learned. We hope this might serve as a roadmap for anyone interested in making music a foundation of their life, and especially for any families who want to have this music become their family tradition.

An Approach to Consider

The following points reiterate our experience as a general approach to consider. We only have our experience to go on, so this is not offered as 'gospel'... it might be just one way to go about it, if it suits you.

1) Begin when the kids are younger than young. Place around the house various instruments suitable for tiny tots: electric keyboard, harmonica, recorder, slide whistle... and of course, a ukulele.

2) Parents must play music together to set the example early. There is absolutely no need to play it well either! It's the 'thought that counts'. The tots will toddle about, come and go, but eventually feel an irresistible 'need' to be apart of the fun. Eventually can mean years, maybe five years, but in the context of raising a family that is no time at all. And, once the tradition's foundation is set, a life time of play lies ahead.

3) At some point, around six years old, parents can 'lay down the law'. The easiest way is to explain to the child that shared music is a family duty, like eating your vegetables, brushing your teeth, taking out the garbage. It is for the good of the family; not joining in is not an option. You can see how important it is to initiate this 'duty' early. Now I'll detail a somewhat worse case scenario:

Okay, the kids may not jump for joy at this milestone in their budding lives. Yet, this is not a problem if you take it step by step. One of the first steps would be to require that the kids just be present while you all are playing music. They can just sit there and listen, or draw, or fiddle around a bit. At this stage you can lay out a ukulele, a mandolin (strung with only one string instead of two), a 1/2 size fiddle, or what not. Let the months pass and see if they don't become a bit interested in messing around with one of the instruments that's laying in front of them. A year or more may pass, in fact. Let the adventure unfold in its own way.

4) Patience is most important, along with perseverance. Our culture has become so oriented on instant gratification that this will be the most difficult part of the parenting process. Patiently and persistently instilling the path you wish to pass on to your children requires a certain degree of maturity on your part. If you have the maturity, your children will respect you for it and establishing your family's music tradition will unfold naturally.